I never imagined myself a “blogger” nor would I have ever dreamt that I would share the most intimate details of my journey to becoming pregnant, but, well, here I am.
First off, let me start by stating that I am not, nor have I ever categorized myself, a writer. In school, I was always the student that dreaded writing essays. I spent hours on written assignments and carefully chose the perfect combination of words to create a somewhat acceptable paper worthy of a passing grade. I have never written, by choice, since graduating in 2012. Even typing these words I am cringing at the thought of actually putting my thoughts and feelings into the right words that will appropriately convey the details of this journey for my family and I. But, for what it’s worth, here goes nothin’….
When I first realized my husband and I were going to begin the fertility process, I had heard a very small voice place the word “blog” on my heart. I pushed it aside and thought nothing of it again until today, when the idea of a “blog” was once again placed upon my heart. For those of you that may know the Lord (and for those of you that may not), when you feel that tug at your heart placed alongside a single word, or phrase, you know it’s God’s sovereign voice. Now, some of you may have quit reading this post as soon as I mentioned the word GOD, and if you did, that’s fine. But, in order for you to truly participate in this journey along with us, you must first understand the Lord will play a major role in this process and we plan to mention Him on a regular basis. As a family, we put our entire trust and faith in God to guide and deliver us through this process to the very end, whatever that outcome may be.
So now that we have the “why” settled, let’s talk a little about the “who”….
We are the Childs’. We are a family of four, along with our two fur babies, Bosley and Harley. Bobby and I were married in 2014 at the age of 34 (I only mention our ages because it plays a significant role in the testimony of our journey and the particular stage in life we chose to begin the fertility process). I did not bring any children to the marriage, however my husband brought two precious children (from a previous marriage) in which he has full custody. It has always been my desire to have children and we had discussed this early into our relationship. Unfortunately, there have been many unforseen obstacles in our family story and we needed to find just the right time to begin this process. We knew from the beginning that we would have to go the route of fertility programs due to my previous medical issues (endometriosis and ovarian cysts) and the fact that my husband had had a vasectomy in 2009.
Fast forward to 2015 in which my husband had a vasectomy reversal. The procedure did not “take” and we were left feeling devastated and defeated. We thought we had no other viable option other than adoption and we were readying ourselves for that possibility. After a little internet research we decided to check into fertility clinics and scheduled a meeting with Dr. Long at the ART Fertility Program of Alabama in the Fall of 2016. Due to several unforseen family issues, a move to a new home and various internal struggles within myself, we drug our feet with the issue and pushed fertility options to the back burner. This past Spring, after some dust settled, Bobby and I revisted the conversation of having a baby. We decided to go ahead and take the leap into the scary, unknown world of fertility clinics and IVF.
In July of this year, my wonderful (talented, caring and selfless :)) husband reluctantly underwent another surgical procedure that, PRAISE THE LORD, the doctors were able to retrieve enough “swimmers” for up to 5 in vitro trials.
Fast forward even further to today… Day 1 of what I like to call, “my part.”
Today I met my new physician, Dr. Honea, with the ART Fertility Program. During my visit a basic physical was performed along with various meetings with RNs, PAs and Financial Planning specialists. I will spare you all the gory details of the physical, but basically, I underwent an ultrasound, pap smear, 7 vials worth of blood work and a last minute HSG was performed. Several medications were prescribed and the talk of several future medications was also discussed. During the visit, new words such as “Sonar Insufflation Study” and “Laser Assisted Hatching” were thrown around. There were also familiar (and rather terrifying) words spoken, such as “financial plan”, “due to your age” and “you and your husband will have to consider the alternatives should Down Syndrome show up on genetics testing.”
It was the later words that confirmed to me the reason for this blog. Not only do I want to use this page as a resource for updating family and friends on our progress, but I would also like to use this as a platform for our testimony. I hope that this blog is somehow a light of hope for other women and their families contemplating a similar journey. While I recognize no two paths will look the same, I do realize that we all have similar hopes and desires. Our ultimate goal is the same; to conceive.
On a personal level, I pray this blog will help me to overcome negative emotions that have plagued me with this journey, including embarassment and shame. These are actually the sole reasons I have kept this process a secret from family and friends. It is my desire that by documenting my experience, I will somehow overcome my personal struggles with the social stigmas associated with the word….INFERTILITY. I am also hopeful that by documenting our travels, it will help me to overcome the fears and anxieties we will experience along the way. I am trusting God to carry my family and I through this journey and see us, safely, to the other side.
I hope you will join us for this journey. It is my prayer that God will use these words on this page to help shine light to other women who have made, or will make, the difficult decision to partake on this emotional journey called fertility. The seatbelt has been fastened, the safety bar lowered and the go button has been pushed for this conception roller coaster. So, with that, my hands are in surrender, my heart is full and my prayers are plentiful….let’s go!
Dear Lord, Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to travel along this journey. Thank you for allowing me to wait for such a time as this. A time where I can stop and appreciate this child and not be distracted by my youth. I thank you that even though I may not understand your plan, I know your plan is ultimately to prosper me and bring me peace. Lord, I thank you in advance for this child and all that he/she will bring to this world. I thank for the leader they will become and for the caring heart they will have. I thank you that you know every hair on their head even before they are created and I ask that you bless every step they take. You are my Jehovah Nissi! In Jesus of Nazareth’s name I pray. Amen.
Today’s scripture: Today I leave you with the scripture that literally “Gave Birth To” 😉 the name to our blog… 1 Samuel 1:27-28.
For this child I have prayed, and the Lord has granted my petition made to Him. Therefore, I have given him to the Lord; as long as he lives he is given to the Lord.